Pause for a moment and imagine yourself as a really small child. We're generally raised to be nice people, to fit in and strive for socially acceptable goals.
But what do you do if what you want is different from what those big people (parents) want for you?
(This isn't about blame. There's no right or wrong. This is just what happens.)
As little children, we realize that our parents are our world and our safety. But the flip side is that in order to continue to feel safe, we develop behaviors of self-protection by either acting out or flying under the radar.
If we choose to feel safe by flying under the radar, those behavior patterns are typically the people-pleasing style.
The small child grows up. These behavior patterns remain intact. What happens now?
From a people-pleasing lens, we often continue to gauge our sense of integrity, honesty, and authenticity by how we respond to others and them to us. This is outer directed focus.
If the (outer world) responses trigger fears of not feeling safe, we can bob and weave to smooth the waters like a stealth chameleon. (My chameleon definitely has stealth powers.)
But are we being honest, really honest with ourselves?
"A dishonest yes is a no to yourself" (Byron Katie) seems so obvious.
It is. But that doesn't mean it's easy.
Honesty begins within each of us. Ingrained patterns of behavior to fit in and feel safe can be so insidious that we don't always realize how much we're fooling ourselves.
Follow the switch here. This is moving the focus from the world around us to our own inner world and self-awareness.
How do you know if you're off track with yourself?
Get out of your head and listen to your body. The body never lies. Pay attention to how you feel within your body in any situation, thought process, being around others, while making decisions, etc. The list goes on and on.
What I know is that we don't figure this out overnight. Speaking for myself, I'm willing to throw myself into myself over and over again, mess up and try again. Because if I'm not being honest with myself, I'm being honest with no one.
Game changer.
